Ha ha, yeah, like Jack and the Beanstalk, right? Gotta have some magic beans in D&D! Except they aren’t. Filling out the forms requires one round per level of spell.” If you ever had a Dungeon Master give you this ring, I believe you were legally allowed to murder him. The higher the level of the spell cast, the more complicated the forms become. The forms must be filled out before the effects of the spell will occur. The papers are forms that must be filled out in triplicate explaining the effects of the spell, why the wizard wishes to cast it, whether it is for business or pleasure, and so on. The official description: “When a wizard casts any spell while wearing the ring, a sheaf of papers and a quill pen suddenly appear in his hand. Why a gourd, and why not, say, a ring of teleportation? A wand, mayhap? Or even a cloak or an amulet? Discovering the answer to that sounds like an adventure of its own. While holding, and presumably carrying around, a gourd. Lots of items allow players to teleport: helms, scrolls, rods, weapons, and more. Users of the Palette must carry their self-portraits around wherever they go if they don’t have the paintings literally on their body, its powers are useless. Nice, right? Alas, Bell clearly didn’t finish Dorian Grey, or else he might have released that leaving the painting at home was a key part of its power. I can only assume Bell the Wizard was reading The Picture of Dorian Grey when he was inspired to make this magic art palette, which, when used to paint a self-portrait, allows all status effects - basically anything you’d make a saving throw for - get transferred to the portrait instead. Official description: “Characters who use this enchanted farm implement to turn over the earth prior to planting a field receive a +3 bonus on their agriculture proficiency check for that year.” I feel confident in saying that any D&D game that needs its player to perform an agriculture proficiency check for an entire year is the worst D&D game ever. So why would anyone waste their time making a magic item whose only result is making someone kind of annoying? The Ring of Contrariness - which, as you might have suspected, forces the wearer to disagree with everything anyone says - it a prime example of some wizard wasting his time. The first of many magical items that I will simply call “Artifacts of Dickishness.” See, magic items have to be crafted by wizards they require time, power, and a great many resources. The result? These ridiculous artifacts from D&D’s golden days. But some wizards aren’t interested in making powerful relics they’re interested in making nonsense, because they’re crazy, or things that will screw your character over, because they’re jerks. This is a use-activated item, requiring no special training or knowledge by the wielder.Every Dungeons & Dragons character seeks magical items for their abilities. If the attuned destination is more than 900 miles when activated, the stone crumbles into dust without activating the teleport effect. A Teleport Stone can be attuned as many times as desired, but it crumbles into dust upon activation. Attuning the stone to a new location requires 10 minutes with the stone being in that new location. Because the destination has already been attuned to the stone, there is no chance of teleportation mishap. When activated, it will teleport the wielder and up to 3 medium-sized creatures to that location so long as it is within 900 miles, as per a Teleport spell cast by a 9th level caster. Description: This stone has been charged with a single use of Teleport and attuned to a specific location (usually the site that it was created).
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